"...The guides had all either deserted, died of overwork or been eaten by lions. I was reduced to carrying my own luggage through this blasted jungle. To appease my frustration I was aiming my blunderbuss at a particularly vicious looking porcupine. When a glint of moonlight caught the barrel.
"It was then that I noticed the clearing.
"I felt the sweat break 'pon my noble brow as I approached the little glade. Here the moonlight was stronger. Unbroken by the trees, it shone like a spotlight on the ghastly stone figure in the centre of this unholy scab of land. The legends told of a thousand fortunes hidden in its carven belly.
"As I bravely approached the idol, it began to groan and creak like some hellish dining table. And then... then it began to move towards me... " 'Arrgh! It's 'im!' " I cried..."
Okay, that's enough of that...
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